Saturday, 7 May 2011

A Right Royal Spanking - Bared Affair (at least until we have a new name)

Seegee has been busy scouring the interwebs (he tells me that's what they're called) for news to fit into the new venture and discovered this little gem relating to the recent royal wedding.

A Right Royal Spanking

We knew it had to happen, and happen it has! Before the ink had even dried on their wedding certificate, a hint of scandal emerged from the marriage between Prince William and his bride Catherine Middleton.

Like most young men, Prince William celebrated his move from bachelorhood to married life with a bucks turn, and that is where the story began.

Emily Browne is a gorgeous young English rose in her mid 20’s, with a mane of fiery red hair. To put herself through college Miss Browne works delivering spank-o-grams.

Spank-O-Gram representative Miss Emily Browne.

“They’re not really telegrams as such,” Miss Browne confessed with a delightful blush, “I go in there, put on the strict school mistress face, and give their botties a few smacks.”  She paused, and sighed “It’s a living.”

“A few weeks ago I got a really interesting job,” the girl continued, stroking her red locks unconsciously, “it was very hush hush about who had hired me.”

When pressed what was interesting or unusual about the job, Emily explained. “It was at a place up the top end of town.  That doesn’t really throw me. I get a lot of work up that way,” she stopped and giggled, “it’s not called ‘la vice anglais’ for nothing. You’d be surprised at who I have over my knee.” she added at your reporter’s shocked expression.

“I had trouble with the doorman, he didn’t want to let me in. Told me that the strippers were already there. Strippers! I ask you, do I look like a stripper?”
Miss Browne is very attractive, but discretion was the better part of valour, and the head was shaken gently.

Met at the door by a handsome prince.

“I was still arguing with him when the door opened, and this mop of red hair pokes out saying ‘Oi! What’s going on?’. I nearly passed out. It was Prince Harry! He’s far and away the cute one. William is taller, but he’ll be bald by the time he’s thirty. Harry is quite the dish and he’s a redhead like me. He told the gorilla on the door that I wasn’t a stripper, and took me inside.”

“It was depressingly normal,” Miss Browne related in a disappointed tone, “it looked like any normal bucks turn, and I’ve seen a few. Harry told me what he wanted me to do and said that anything went, except I wasn’t to mention their Mum, which was totally understandable. I hadn’t been sure what they wanted because I was told nothing about the job, so I had everything from a wooden spoon to a birch in my bag. I wore a short, tight little black dress, and I put my hair up in a school teacherish bun.”

How did the guest of honour react?

“Oh he was priceless!” Emily squealed. “When I walked out one of the strippers was on his lap. She was a big blonde thing, had nothing on but a pair of thigh high button up boots, and there was a lipstick mark on his cheek. He’d been drinking and was almost three sheets to the wind. I said loudly in my strictest voice: ‘William Arthur Phillip Louis!’ Hearing his full name brought him back to earth pretty quickly. He went pale and looked at me with wide eyes. I had my school cane with me, and was tapping it against my leg ‘What exactly do you think you’re doing young man?’ I asked him. The girl took fright and ran off, but she didn’t mind when Harry gave her a big tip.”

Looking Miss Emily Browne up and down she would be a formidable sight in a temper, even if it was feigned.

“Wills (Miss Browne had started using the Prince’s common nickname) sat up straight and stammered at me. I ordered him to call me Miss, and he did. He was so nervous and I think still a little drunk, although he’d sobered up a lot from when I first entered. I went over to him, grabbed him by the ear and sat down where he had been. He looked down at me all confused, and I snapped ‘Well, what are you waiting for? Get over Misses lap now!’ Harry and his mates were in stitches. William did as I told him and lay over my lap. I began to smack his bottom, scolding him about messing around with nude girls and asking him how his lovely fiancĂ©e would feel if she knew.”

A bit of hanky spanky.

Was it a hard spanking?

“Not really. I doubt he felt it through his trousers and undies, and the buzz from the alcohol.” Emily admitted. “I figured because he’d been to Eton he knew something about the cane, so after a quick little hand spanking I ordered him up and told him to touch his toes.”

The future King of England was caned?

“Not only that, Harry told me to take his pants down, which I did. He wanted the underpants down too, but I refused. I was already concerned I could be done for treason. I gave him six of the best. They weren’t all that hard, I’ve gotten good at caning in this job. The last two made him yelp and judging from the red marks I could see around the edges of his undies they must have stung a little. I pulled up his pants, let him stand up, and then gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and wished him luck in his married life.”

Brothers and partners in crime: cheeky Prince Harry and his more serious brother William.

Actions have consequences.

Emily Browne really did not understand what the fuss was about, as far as she was concerned this was just another job. Kate Middleton, now the Duchess of Cambridge was not best pleased when she heard about the shenanigans at her intended’s party. We believe that Miss Browne’s services have been requested by the Duchess, and her client is Prince Harry, the man responsible for the entertainment at his brother’s bucks turn.

 Miss Browne's newest client: the Duchess of Cambridge.

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful lines, enjoyable and fun, thanks.