Thursday, 4 August 2011

What are big sisters for? - Debbie Downunder

Having a broken leg is never fun, it’s positively boring, so to while away the hours I decided to dial my new ‘bestie’ Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, and see what was up with her.

When the Princess picked up the phone she sounded rather breathless, and not best pleased, as soon as she heard my voice though, she squealed “Debbie! My favourite reporter!”
“I hope I haven’t rung at a bad time, you sound a little out of breath.” I said rather apologetically.
“Oh not a bit of it, I’ve just given Pip a hiding…”
I nearly choked on my drink, and asked incredulously “You what?”
“I spanked Pippa, she’s having a cry in the corner now.”

The Duchess of Cambridge has a younger sister; Philippa ‘Pippa’ Middleton. Ever since Kate was married to Prince William, Pippa has become a media darling, what Kate could have spanked her for I do not know, but the image of Pippa Middleton with her famous derreire displaying the tell tale signs of a sound spanking, was certainly an alluring one. I was not looking for a story when I rang my friend, but I had one now. I wouldn’t have wanted to change places with Pippa. Kate could really spank, I’d seen that firsthand at Wimbledon when the Duchess handed out a royal bottom blistering to women’s world no 1; Caroline Wozniacki. (see

I composed myself , and asked “What happened?”
“Pip’s just been getting a bit full of herself. We’ve probably needed to have a sister to sister chat ever since the wedding, but I’ve been dreadfully busy (the royal couple had only recently returned from a visit to Canada and other former British colonies), and Pip’s profile has sky rocketed. The car clamping was the last straw and Mummy insisted that I try to put her straight.”
Miss Middleton had recently had her car clamped for parking offences, and it was evident that it had not gone down too well with the girl’s mother.

“So you spanked her because she got her car clamped?”
Kate laughed musically “It didn’t happen quite that way, Debbie. I tried to talk to her and explain that William and I have an image to maintain and her behaviour reflects on us, and by extension, the rest of my in-laws.”
“So your grandmother-in-law would get involved?”
Kate sighed “I certainly hope not. I like grandmamma, she’s quite lovely for her age and her station in life, but Pippa really does wear on her. Nothing puts her in a state more than seeing news reports that Harry is romantically involved with Pip. Between you and I, that’s not the case. Harry is devoted to Chelsey and Pip’s with Alex. It will stay that way if she wants to continue to sit down.” Kate added rather ominously.

The ever fashionable Duchess of Cambridge. She wasn't smiling when Debbie spoke to her about her younger sister's behaviour recently.

I had to find out why Kate spanked her sister, and she did not seem to want to answer me directly, so I decided to just keep talking and hope she came out with it. “It wasn’t just the clamping, Debbie. It’s not even the news reports about the partying, less than half of those are true, I had things reported about me that were scandalous, and I wish I’d been able to catch up to the reporters with my hairbrush in hand, I would have taught them a thing or two about fact checking.”
I suddenly went very quiet, and Kate must have sensed what she had said and who she had said it to, because she quickly followed up with “I don’t mean you, darling.”
“My bottom has just relaxed.” I told my royal friend.

Pippa Middleton out and about.

“When I spoke to Pip about the clamping she was just so offhand about it all. She even had the gall to demand that I use my position to have the poor man who clamped her car sacked. She went on to say that she didn’t care anyway, because Mummy and Daddy were going to buy her a new car. I can tell you, Debbie, steam just about came out of my ears.”
I could only imagine what would have happened to me if I had said something like that to my mother or even Aunty Andrea. I would have been over the knee quick smart, bottom pointing at the ceiling and being impacted with the back of a hairbrush.
“I tried to keep my cool, but then Pip saw the coco de mer (it is a coconut shaped rather like female buttocks native to the Seychelles, where Kate and Willliam had recently toured) that we brought back from the Seychelles and started making all these silly school girl jokes about it.”
I could see where this was going.

The provocatively shaped coco de mer. Pippa Middleton's royal sister was not amused with her sibling's jokes about it.

“I’d had enough, Debbie. I remembered our days at Marlborough (the exclusive school that both Kate and Pippa had attended) when I had to discipline Pippa occasionally. I didn’t waste any more time. Words had no effect, maybe action would. I hauled her up and over my knee, up went her skirt and down came her panties. In no time at all that famous bum of hers was glowing under my hairbrush. You remember what Caroline looked like at Wimbledon?”
“Yes.” I answered dry mouthed.
“Well multiply that by about 5 and you’ve got Pip. Enough of that unpleasantness. I’ll have some tea brought and we can have a good old natter and you can tell me what you’ve been up to since you got back home.”

I was about to agree, that was what I had rung for in the first place, when on the other end I heard this plaintive “Can I come out now, Kate?”
“No!” Kate snapped. “You may not! Did I give you permission to turn around? I did not!” then her voice came back on the phone “I’m sorry Debbie, we’ll have to continue this another time. I’ve got a little lady here whose bottom needs more smacking.”
As I cut the connection I heard the report of a slap and a wail. I guess big sisters do have their uses.

Pippa Middleton's world famous derriere.


  1. How splendid that Kate should upend her sister, pull her knickers down and spank her delightful bottom. But don't you think, Debbie, that it should have been her mother who dealt with Pippa's naughty bum? Carole Middleton, Kate and Pippa's mother, is 55 and should be able to deal with both Pippa's AND Kate's naughty behinds. Alternatively, Kate should spank both her mother, Carole, and he sister, Pippa whenever either of them commits an fact, Kate should probably smack Carole's bottom straightaway for not dealing with Pippa herself.


  2. Hot story about an incredible sext Pippa who is just looking for a spanking.

    Would love to read about Pippa and Kate having a visit to the Spank Shop.

    Great story and post. Good lord gave her a wonderful spankable bottom.

    Be well

  3. Thank you for the comments, Ron and Aristotle.
    Aristotle I forwarded your comment on to Debbie and received the below reply.
    Hello Mr Aristotle,
    Once I got over the shock of hearing Kate had spanked Pippa I thought the same thing as you, so asked her why not send Pip to Mummy? Carole Middleton runs a multimillion dollar business and was busy that day, and as she wanted the matter dealt with post haste sent Pippa to Kate. As Kate and her sister are close in age and close girls in general it was thought that the talk coming from her may have some more impact. Kate didn't intend to spank Pippa, but was so infuriated that she did.
    I'm considering doing a follow up article discussing royal spanking, and I would like to interview Mrs Middleton for that.

  4. Great story. Hope your leg is better

  5. Debbie thanks you Joey and her leg is healing nicely thank you for asking after her and your good wishes.

  6. Thank you Andrea and thank you Debbie. I look forward with great interest to your article and interview.


  7. I hope the article can live up to your interest when young Debbie gets around to writing it.