By 7:28, more than twenty women, all in their twenties and thirties, had gathered in the small hotel meeting room, seeing just a podium and a portable screen that had a graphic on it reading “How To Improve Your Marriage.”
At exactly 7:30 a tall blonde woman walked in. As applause started to grow, she waved and walked to the podium, then made a motion to end the applause.
“Hi, ladies,” she started enthusiastically. “I know you may be confused about the ‘How to Improve Your Marriage’ signs. We did it that way because the hotel wouldn’t rent us the room if we used the real name for the meeting…and we all know the real name is:”
She picked up a remote control that changed the graphic on the screen. The first image was a stick figure drawing of a woman sitting with a man sprawled over her lap. Word by word, in a large but feminine typeface, the graphic expanded as the speaker encouraged her audience to join her in each word.
“Spank… (that word was in red on the graphic, the others were in blue)
The audience applauded again, many of them also laughing and the speaker’s smile became very pronounced.
“Let’s get started,” she said. “As you know, my name is Nancy Morgan. That’s not my real name, it’s a pen name -- or as I like to think of it, it’s a “hairbrush name.” Most of the audience laughed.
“I know you want to know how I got here. I grew up in a normal middle-class family where my mother was the family disciplinarian for me and my two brothers. One day, we found out by accident that not only did the kids get spanked, so did our father. One day all three kids were out of the house but one of my brothers got home earlier than expected. He opened the door and heard sounds of a spanking going on upstairs and it was daddy’s voice pleading for it to stop and promising to behave better. My brother closed the door and stayed away for an hour, so they never knew he had heard it, but he told my other brother and me about it first chance he got.
“I was actually trained to become a physical therapist. While I was in school, I had a boyfriend I liked a lot. But he had some tendencies to occasionally show immaturity and do some really stupid things. One day I got fed up. We were at his place so I went into his bedroom and got his hairbrush and ordered him to drop his pants and get over my lap. He looked shocked, but I insisted, and he did what I told him with almost no resistance. I gave him a good, hard spanking and to be honest, I found I enjoyed it. We dated for another year or so, and I spanked him a few more times.
“I became quite interested in women spanking men in that period, and I made contact with a dominatrix where I lived,. She became a mentor for me. She had some customers who wanted discipline from two women, so I became her apprentice and was part of those sessions. I quickly learned that all kinds of men, including some who would be thought of as important business and community leaders, all kinds of men want to be spanked, strapped, whipped, tied up, caned, all kinds of things, by strong dominant women. With her help, I did it all, but what I enjoyed the most was having a man’s butt turned up over my knee, and turning that butt a nice bright red.
“About the time I was finishing schooling, two important things happened. I met another guy I liked a lot -- I’ll call him Robert, mostly because that’s really his name (a laugh from the audience) and my mentor decided to move to a bigger city.
“Robert and I were dating for a couple of months when he did something I felt called for punishment. I had bought a nice wooden hairbrush I was saving for him, and I immediately put him over my knee and used the brush. He didn’t like it at all -- but it didn’t scare him away either. For the record, that was 22 years ago. Robert has felt that brush many, many times since then. He still hates getting spanked, but we’re closing in on our 20th anniversary and we have two kids. (Applause from the audience). I’ll tell you more about that later.
“When my mentor moved away, I inherited her customers. Suddenly in my early twenties I was the leading dominatrix/disciplinarian in a medium-sized city. I opened an office that appeared to be a physical therapy office but almost everything I did there was for men looking for a spanking and other discipline. I did a little advertising in some local alternative media, and I couldn’t keep up with all the business. I got everything from college boys to older men in their seventies. One of my clients called me his “spankiatrist.” I love that term. (Some laughter and applause from the audience).
“About two years ago, Robert suggested to me that I should write a book. I asked him why and his answer surprised me. You have to understand -- Robert is in no way a masochist. He hates being spanked and he has told me on many occasions that he tries very hard not to do things that could earn him a spanking. But he thought I should write a book because he felt it might help other couples have as good a marriage as we have. (This time there was heavier applause from the audience).
“So I wrote ’How To Spank Your Husband’ and we self-published it. Many of the spanking blogs wrote about it and we sold so many copies we needed to print more several times. That led to me starting my own blog, and then a few months ago I started traveling to some cities to talk to great audiences like you. (Applause). And by the way, I’m very confident that when I get home tomorrow I’ll find a clean and orderly house when I get there -- or somebody is going to be a very, very sorry husband.” Nancy smiled very broadly as the applause became very loud.
“Ladies,” she said slowly and with emphasis, “You cannot believe how many men are out there who want to submit to a strong, assertive woman. I honestly believe there is an excellent chance that if you make it clear to the man in your life that you are taking control of your relationship, and that he will be punished whenever he fails to live up to his responsibilities, that man will submit to your authority.”
The screen changed and now showed just three large letters: FLR.
“What I am advocating has a simple name which is completely descriptive -- it is a Female Led Relationship. I’ve also seen it called a Wife Led Marriage, but I’ll go with FLR. A Female Led Relationship is exactly what it sounds like. You take complete -- and I do mean complete -- control of your marriage. You lay down the rules. You set the standards of behavior that are acceptable. You tell him what he is allowed to do and what he is not allowed to do. You can allow him to make some decisions if you wish, like what kind of tires to get for the car or perhaps which cellphone model you use, but he only gets to make decisions if you allow him to.
“You become a dictator. Hopefully, you’ll decide to be a benevolent dictator, but that’s up to you. If he wants to go out with the guys some nights, he needs your permission. If you allow him to play golf on the weekend, you have the right to take that privilege away if he misbehaves. And most importantly, you make it very clear that when he misbehaves in any manner, or disobeys you, or in any way fails to live up to your complete satisfaction, you can -- and will -- punish him in any manner you choose, including, but not limited to, physical punishment.
“Ladies, let’s be honest with each other. Most of us are really married to a little boy. They have grown up physically, but most of them are little boys emotionally and act like little boys way too often. When they think, they think with the wrong part of their body. (That brought a laugh from the audience). And what they need is the same thing as when their mommy used to watch over them. They need a confident, determined woman to watch over them and reel them in when they go over the line. Am I right?’ (Most of the women in the audience nodded in agreement).
“There are different ways to administer physical punishment, and we’ll talk about some of them, but I much prefer, a good, hard, over-the-knee bare-bottom spanking with a paddle or hairbrush. How much it hurts is probably 60% of why a punishment is something to avoid, but embarrassment is probably 40%. Other things like canes may hurt more -- I know, everything I’ve ever done to a man was done to me when I was learning from my mentor -- but nothing is more embarrassing than a grown man lying down over a woman’s lap with a bare butt pointing up at her. He sees an OTK spanking as the most childish way he can be punished--and that’s why it can be so effective in changing his future behaviour.
“But we need to define terms, and when I say a spanking I don’t necessarily mean an over-the-knee spanking. Let’s include stand-up or bend-over or lie-on-the-bed sessions with a paddle or belt or cane when we talk about spankings. But we do need to distinguish between disciplinary spankings and other kinds of spankings.
“I’m sure there are millions of couples that use erotic spankings in their married life and enjoy it. He spanks her, she spanks him, and they both get aroused. Even though some couples may give severe spankings that really hurt, those are recreational spankings and are not disciplinary spankings. And I also exclude mistress/slave relationships, where we are talking about a masochist who wants a woman to hurt him with a spanking or in some very bizarre ways. I’m just talking about a disciplinary spanking that is given because the wife has found her husband’s behavior to be unacceptable. He has previously consented to their arrangement, but in most cases he does not want to be spanked and he understands that what is happening has been brought about entirely by his own bad behaviour.
“I know what you’re thinking. You’ve read about wives spanking husbands, but does anyone--other than me--really give disciplinary spankings to grown men?”
She paused and looked at all the women before her. “Does anyone in this room currently spank their husband or boyfriend?”
The women in the room nervously looked around, but no one raised her hand. “Not a surprise,” Nancy said. “Occasionally, I get someone at these meetings who does, but that’s the exception. I know you’re here mostly to listen and think about it. So let me ask this question: Who thinks that there are some women somewhere in this country who currently give disciplinary spankings to their husbands? No number yet -- just some women, other than me -- who do so.”
On that basis, everybody in the room raised their hand.
“OK,” Nancy said, “Now that we agree it happens at least sometime, let’s see how often it happens. Who thinks the wife spanks the husband in 5% of marriages in this country? That’s one out of every twenty marriages.” No one raised their hand.
“That’s fine, I agree with you. Anybody think 2% of marriages? One out of fifty marriages?” Again, no one raised their hand.
“Here’s where I start to get some hands. 1% of marriages. One out of a hundred women is smart enough to take control of her marriage and punishes her husband when he gets out of line.” A few hands went up tentatively.
“I wish you were right,” Nancy said, “but I think that’s probably too high. I’m going to go with a much more conservative number. I’m going to say it’s just one-tenth of one percent. That’s one out of a thousand marriages. I hope it’s much higher than that, but for tonight’s purposes I’m going to be safe and say one out of a thousand.
“Our next question is: In those households where women spank men, how often does it happen? I think there’s a very wide variance in that, based on lots of factors including how quickly the man learns what not to do. In my marriage, for example, Robert got spanked a lot when we were younger, but much less frequently now. I suppose if you want to say I finally have him trained, I guess I do. (She smiled again and the audience applauded). Some men hold on to bad habits longer and likely get spanked more often, others will try harder to not misbehave.
“Does anyone know the term: maintenance spanking? I don’t believe in that concept, but some women do, thinking the big, strong man needs a constant reminder that in this house, it’s the smaller weaker wife who really wears the pants. The idea is the man gets spanked at a set interval such as once a week as a reminder to behave even if he didn’t do anything particularly wrong that week. Doing something wrong will get him another spanking, longer and harder, but the weekly spanking still hurts and has to be included in our numbers.
“So if we add everything together including the well-behaved husband who maybe only gets one or two spankings a year, and the bad boys who get spanked much more often, and whatever number get spanked weekly or even more, I think a conservative estimate is that men who do get spanked average one every other month or six times a year.
“Now let’s do the math. There are about 55 million active marriages in the country right now. The latest numbers I’ve seen are there are at least 6 million more households where men and women cohabitate without being married. So that makes at least 61 million households where men and women either are married or live together the same as being married.
“Let’s use round numbers. Let’s say 60 million households. One tenth of one percent is 60,000. Using conservative estimates, we think 60,000 men get spanked by their wives or live-in female partner. And each one averages six spankings a year. That means a woman spanks her man 360,000 times a year, or an average of almost exactly one thousand times a day! Right now, it’s almost 8 o’clock. I’m sure that’s prime time for marital spankings. Just think of this: at this very moment, there are probably dozens of men laying across their wives’ laps with their bare bottoms exposed as they receive numerous spanks from her hand, a hairbrush, a paddle, maybe a wooden spoon from the kitchen. Maybe they’re face down on the bed as their wife straps them with their own belt. Maybe they’re bent over the back of a chair feeling an old razor strap she found in an antique store. And in many cases, tears are rolling down their cheeks as they promise with great sincerity never to do it again and to be “good” from now on!
“I like to think of it this way: a thousand women will be taking a very positive step to build their marriage today. Maybe you should too.”
With that statement, the audience gave the speaker their loudest applause of the night.
The graphic on the screen changed. It showed a large heart split down the middle with a “5” on the left side of the heart and “0%” on the right.
“Ladies, you know this statistic. 50% of marriages in this country end in divorce. You may love each other now, but will you five years from now? 10 years? 20 years? Are you sure you’ll make it to your 25th anniversary?
“The sad fact is that right now, doing what you’re currently doing, you have as good a chance of becoming divorced as you do of staying with your husband. The vast majority of marriages -- 99.9%, we estimated tonight, are either male-centric or at best an attempt to have a 50/50 marriage. And half of those marriages will fail.
“I suggest that in clearly-defined and well-understood Female Led Relationships and Wife Led Marriages, the divorce rate will be much, much lower than 50%. The partners know their roles, there’s no jockeying for leadership, no head games. Please believe me on this: there are many, many men out there who want to live like this, but the majority of them are afraid to admit it to you and ask for a FLR lifestyle. And there are many other men who have not actually thought about living that way but will accept it with little or no resistance once you define the new roles. I’ve received hundreds of emails since I wrote the book, and so many of them are from happy women telling me they cannot believe how easy it turned out to be to take control.
DAY ZERO appeared on the screen.
“I call the day you take control ‘Day Zero.’ It’s the day an entirely new life starts for your marriage. For some of you, it will be a very tough day. But many of you will be shocked how easily you accomplish what you want to do. And for most of you, you’ll have a few difficult minutes, but as long as you stick to your plan and control your emotions, you too will be able to do what you need to do.
“I suggest you wait for an incident to trigger Day Zero, preferably something that you and he have talked about on numerous occasions and he has promised to do better. He disappoints you once again by doing whatever it is he has promised you he won’t do again, and it has become time for you to hold him accountable.
“You must remain totally calm. He may become upset, perhaps even angry -- you can’t be. But you have to be the dominant partner in the discussion, as you will be the dominant partner for the next many years. Pretend he’s ten years old, and speak to him with the same confidence you would if he were a child -- that’s fair, he’s probably been acting like he’s a child. Listen to whatever objections or comments he makes, but just refute them and tell him he has forfeited his status as an equal partner in the marriage and from now on you will be making all the rules. Explain to him calmly but forcefully that from this moment forward you are taking complete control of the marriage including making the rules and establishing standards for his behavior. Failure to do what you expect will result in punishment for him. He’ll react to the word “punishment,” that will get his attention. Follow that up by telling him that punishments will be entirely up to you, and the most serious offences will result in him getting a spanking.
“Of course the word ’spanking’ will get his attention in a big way. Expect to hear him say that you spanking him would be ridiculous, and, again, staying very calm but staying completely in control, tell him what has been ridiculous has been his behavior. Fell free to use the old cliché that his behavior has been childish and justifies childish punishments.
“There are three kinds of men when it comes to Day Zero. On one extreme, I have to tell you there are some men that simply will not go along. Even if you have a physical advantage over these men, I don’t suggest you go forward--you really do need their consent to have an effective FLR. But the good news is that having received literally hundreds of emails from women who have gone through Day Zero, the number of men who absolutely will not consent is amazingly small. So many women have told me they had been skeptical their husband would go along, and they were shocked that he offered so little resistance.
“You would be amazed how many men are out there who have wished for you to take control all along, but were afraid to ask you to do so. You’ll know your man is in this group if he tries to suppress a smile when you talk to him on Day Zero. Some of them have fantasized about lying over your knee, and think a spanking from you would be sexy. After you give them a good, hard spanking for the first time, they’re not going to think it’s sexy any more, and from then on spankings will be exclusively disciplinary -- whether he likes it or not.
“The biggest group is men who haven’t yearned to submit to you, but will agree once you demand it. They will resist you at first, and may continue to resist for quite a while. But you can wear them down by staying under control and insisting that you are implementing your leadership whether or not they want you too. Reiterate they have proven they cannot control themselves and they need a strict woman to take care of them. It may take a while, but the vast majority of men will soften in the face of a controlled, dominant woman.
“It probably won’t go this far, but I had an email last week from a woman who was at one of these meetings last month. On Day Zero, her husband continued to resist. Finally she told him she had a hairbrush in their bedroom and gave him a choice: go in the bedroom and bring out the hairbrush so I can spank you right now or go in the bedroom and pack your suitcase. Given that choice, he brought out the hairbrush and she tells me he cried like a little boy when she spanked him.
There was a good round of applause from the audience and Nancy smiled again.
“There are two critical things you have to watch out for.
“First, you have to make it hurt, and make it hurt a lot! A spanking is supposed to hurt, and you’re doing it to make the punishment so bad that he will not repeat the behavior that earned him the punishment. To make it anything less than an real ordeal for him means he has won, not you, and he will not improve his behavior if you do not make him.
“Do not feel sorry for him. He’ll try to get you to stop. He’ll moan a lot, he’ll apologize, he’ll promise to do better. Don’t listen to him. Keep on spanking until you are completely satisfied that he is really suffering. You’re not doing anything to him that won’t wear off in a couple of days. If you can get him to cry, that’s best. But make sure he’s really crying, not just forcing it to get your sympathy.
“He does not deserve your sympathy. He’s been a bad boy who disobeyed you or broke your rules. He deserves a good, hard spanking that will change his behavior, and you have to give it to him.
“Second, if you say you’re going to do it, you have to do it. I won’t pretend that giving a spanking is as bad as getting one, but it’s also not an easy thing. There will be some days when you really don’t feel like going through with it, but if he has done something that he knows is a spanking offense, you have to follow through. I’ll use an example that’s trivial, at least to me, but if you have told him that next time he leaves the toilet seat up he’s going to get a spanking and he leaves the seat up, you have to do it. You can’t let him wonder which threats you really mean, and which you don’t really mean -- you have to mean them all. You can’t rationalize, ‘Well, he’s been good for a few weeks, so I’ll let it slide this time’ or ’I’m really tired so I’ll pretend I didn’t see it.’ Letting him off when he’s done something you have warned him about undermines your authority, and you can’t start a FLR without making a full commitment to carrying it out every day it’s necessary.
“Another thing that’s important is to make the punishment more than just the spanking itself. Whenever possible, you should give him lots of time to think about what is coming. Depending on the circumstances, maybe you text him at work to let him know he’ll be spanked that night, or maybe you’re in the car and you tell him he’s getting a spanking when you get home, or in some other way you give him notice of what’s coming. It’s not a warning -- it’s an announcement. Not negotiable. He may try to offer what he calls an explanation, but it’s probably just going to be a lame excuse. Listen to his explanation, but 99 times out of 100, you’ll reject it, and he gets spanked.
“I strongly recommend corner time, both before and after the spanking. Tell him to strip, or at least take off everything except his shorts and make him stand in the corner for 10 or 15 minutes before you call him over. It’s an absolutely horrible time for him. He has a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he knows he’s in for a very painful experience, he becomes truly sorry that he did whatever he did to make you spank him. Some men will actually start sobbing in the corner knowing what’s coming. Make sure he keeps his eyes straight ahead. He’ll hear you walking around but not know if you’re ready to start or if he has more time before you do. In a way, he wants you to call him over so he can get it over with, but he also doesn’t want you to call him yet because he knows how much it will hurt. He just feels completely miserable -- but that’s OK, he’s there because he disobeyed you knowing what would happen if he did. No sympathy for him!
“Then spank him good and hard, and send him right back to the same corner. Hopefully he’s sobbing by now and he has made all kinds of promises to you about better behavior in the future. All he wants to do is rub his backside to try to get some of the pain out--don’t let him! Tell him if you catch him rubbing, he comes back for more spanks. Let him stand there for another 10 or 15 minutes. Between corner time before and the spanking itself and corner time afterward, it will be a really harrowing experience. Again, we’re not trying to be brutal or sadistic -- it’s a punishment, he earned it, and if the goal is really to improve his future behavior, it’s very reasonable.
“I’ll open it up for questions, but I think I know what the first question will be: ‘He’s so big and I’m so much smaller.’
“Ladies, in delivering physical punishment, size does not matter. If you have established your dominance over him, he will accept punishment from you even though he might be much bigger and stronger than you are. I received an email last week from one woman -- she’s 5 feet 2, he’s over 6 feet -- and she tells me she brings him to tears every time she spanks him.
“I always prefer an over-the-knee bare bottom spanking as that’s the most childish way you can treat him. I find sitting on a solid straight-back chair is best, but if he’s too big or heavy for you to control on a chair, use a couch or a bed where you can stretch him out over your lap. Swing your legs around his ankles to lock him in place and grab his free hand to help hold him and you’ll be able to spank him all you want.
“And if he’s really too big to put over your knee, you can make him lie on the bed and paddle or strap him. Or make him bend over the back of a chair or desk if you want to strap him or cane him.
“Almost all of you will have a man bigger than you are. But if you have done your job in establishing yourself as being completely in control, you can have your big little boy sobbing the same as that 5 foot-2 woman.
A woman in her mid-twenties rose and asked, “Do you always spank with a hairbrush or do you ever use just your hand?”
“With my clients, I like to warm them up with my hand and then switch to a more powerful implement. My favorite is this paddle (She took a large paddle out from behind the podium and proudly displayed it, receiving some applause). But for a disciplinary spanking, never use your hand--you’ll end up punishing your hand as much as your husband’s butt. It simply doesn’t hurt enough. With Robert, I always use the same hairbrush I used on him the first time. I know he hates it and it makes an excellent warning. I usually keep it in my dresser drawer, but occasionally I might leave it on his night table -- that sends a powerful message to him that he better clean up his act fast, and trust me, he responds!
“A hairbrush also makes a man feel like a child, and that’s good. But lots of things can hurt as much--try a wooden kitchen spoon, that can really sting. A hard paddle can do lots of damage, like the one I just showed you. Some women double up a belt or strap for over-the-knee, but I always felt that’s better for when he’s lying on the bed and you can really get a good wind-up for your stroke. And in my judgment, a cane is the worst so if you have one you might save it for the very worst behavior. But I suggest never use your hand by itself except for maybe a very brief warmup.
A woman near the back of the room rose. “You talk about men crying. I can’t imagine my husband actually crying if I spank him. Do grown men really cry?”
“Many do,” Nancy answered. “Not all. It’s best if they do, of course. That really embarrasses them and that makes it a very meaningful punishment. You can help get them to tears. You should be scolding them while you’re spanking, and even taunting them with phrases like ‘Aren’t you embarrassed being over my knee like a naughty little boy.’ Tell them: ‘Bad little boys need to cry, and I’m not stopping until I see real tears’ and things like that to help get them to cry. Even if you have one that won’t cry, you can still make him suffer a lot to help teach him a lesson. He’ll get out of breathe quickly and you’ll hear him in real pain as he pleads with you to stop or promises better behavior. Never ever stop until you hear him pleading with you. He may start by trying to stay silent and proving to you it doesn’t hurt him. Don’t let him win that way. You have to strip him of his pride. So don’t tell him he’s getting 50 or 100 spanks or anything that he can hold out until the end. Keep it open-ended until you know you had a real impact on him. Even if he doesn’t quite cry, you’ll probably hear blubbering and some unintelligible words coming from him to let you know you’ve done a good job.
A woman who looked to be in her late thirties stood up. “Do your children know you spank Robert?”, she asked.
“No,” Nancy replied. “When my daughter gets older, I’ll give her a copy of the book to read. I’m sure she’ll figure out the kind of relationship her father and I had. As for my son, I’ll wait until he’s dating someone seriously, and then I’ll give his girlfriend a copy. I certainly hope my son ends up with exactly the kind of caring wife his father had.” The audience applauded loudly.
“It’s getting a bit late,” Nancy said. “How about one more question, and then I’ll be happy to meet you individually if you’d like to talk some more.”
A woman in the front row raised her hand. “Should there be any witnesses when we spank them?” she asked. Wouldn’t that make it even more embarrassing?”
“Yes, it sure would,” Nancy responded. “But maybe it would be too embarrassing. Most of the women who tell me about their experiences don’t talk to other people about the fact they spank their husbands. Some do confide in close friends, maybe their sister, but I’ve only heard of a very few that would actually spank their man in front of someone else. While in a FLR you’re certainly in charge, you still do need your man to consent to the relationship, and punishing him in front of other people may be just a step too far.
“But how about this?, Nancy said with a smile. “How about you threaten him with a spanking in front of witnesses? You don’t have to do it, but that alone could improve his behavior. Remember, our goal is to make him a better husband. If knowing he could be spanked in front of other people gets him to behave better, that’s what really matters.
“I’d like to thank you all for coming,” Nancy said in closing. “That’s my email address on the screen and I’d love to hear from all of you if you have any questions, or especially your success stories.
The screen went back to its original graphic, “How To Improve Your Marriage.”
“We agreed that the real name tonight was How To Spank Your Husband instead of How To Improve Your Marriage. But the truth is if you do spank your husband, you will also improve your marriage -- so the original title is correct too.
“Happy spanking,” Nancy said with a big smile again holding her favorite paddle.
The evening ended with all the women giving her a standing ovation.
Both Esskay and I thought that this lady, who has been nicknamed the Happy Spanker on the interwebz made a very good Nancy.